On the Precipice | Vision’s Demand

I turn 40 this year. This precipice is an interesting place of reflection. I am certainly not the first to find myself here. Nor will I be the last.

My thirties have been my most difficult decade thus far. They have watched me fight for

the vision
my voice
safety
belonging
acceptance
listening ears
healing
understanding
recompense
restoration
home

and practically anything in between.

They represent loss and founding — a fire that consumed everything and left me wondering if I would ever stop looking, or smelling, like it.

The vision has undergone refinement, even as it continues to grow. It beckons me forward even as my heart aches for every aspect of it that still seems just beyond my reach. It is so real I can almost touch it…hold it…yet I cannot. For it is relentless in its calling.

Since it will not relent, I continue to dream. To plan. To wrestle with what I pray is inevitability. I write one word at a time. There are binders filled with plans for every idea. Foundations ready to be built upon the moment an idea is finally permitted to take its first breath.

It is painful to carry the same vision, in its various forms, for decades. It would be easier to set it all down and pretend I never fought for its fruition. If only it would allow it.

The vision has grown me. Refined me. Prepared me. And one day, I pray that it will set me free within it.