Not Letting the Moment Pass
Every year, we do something small for our children on Valentine’s Day. It is not about the holiday itself. Rather, it’s about intentionally setting aside time to ensure they know they are seen and loved. Our family’s story is one where speaking and showing love has always been crucial. They are not surrounded by extended family the way Matt and I were growing up. While that choice was made to keep them safe in less than ideal circumstances, it does not erase the reality that they are missing an important layer of feeling loved and supported - the kind that exists in healthy families and environments.
We are far from perfect as parents. The battle did not end after we took our stand and held strong boundaries for our well being. We were left carrying mental, emotional, and societal wounds. Parenting while still processing and healing inevitably shaped their experience, even as we did our best to shield them. Our family’s journey has been one none of us asked for, least of all our children. We were intentional about speaking and showing love all along the way. Through words, apologies, conversations, and fighting with everything we had to get back home and into stability again.
We intentionally celebrate Valentine’s Day as a family. It’s for their growth and development, well-being, and whatever future relationships they are in. I have refused to allow hardship, rejection, and trauma to have the final say. We absorb as much of it as we can for them and, in our own imperfection, are trying to lay the foundation so they can do and have so much better than we ever experienced. As breakers, all of it starts with us. When we are called to break, restoration is sometimes also part of the calling - but only where God Himself clearly assigns it. I am forever grateful that the Lord set us upright again while there was still time to restore and repair with our children under our roof.
When they wake up Valentine’s morning, they will each have a gift waiting on the kitchen island. Some years we were only able to swing a small box of chocolates each. Others we added a stuffed animal or pair of pajamas. This year each child is getting a thoughtfully filled gift box. It will be tied with a ribbon that secures a personal note. Then we will do our special family dinner.
Valentine’s Day in our home is a family affair. Not out of consumerism or trying to keep up with the Jones’. It’s because, even when life isn’t perfect and even when we struggle, love is spoken here. Always. Forever. And love, we have learned, is more than warm fuzzies. Love is witnessing and supporting each other through pain. It’s speaking authentic apologies and working to do better. It’s showing up as much as possible. And yes, it’s hugs and snuggles and movie nights, too.
